


Diamond

by ViridianPanther



Series: Thirty Days [26]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Characters Reading Fanfic, F/F, F/M, Group Sex, Humour, M/M, Multi, Multiple Partners, Other, Parody, Satire, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-08
Updated: 2012-08-08
Packaged: 2017-11-11 16:46:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/480666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViridianPanther/pseuds/ViridianPanther
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An anonymous round-robin email is sent to all members of the Normandy's crew. It contains a single text file attachment, apparently downloaded from an extranet fan fiction site. Containing a badly-punctuated, appallingly-written story starring certain members of the crew. And a sex aid with a mass effect core and a diamond at the tip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Diamond

`FROM: {undisclosed-sender}  
TO: SSV-SR-2/All Crew  
Subject: Some bed-time reading for you all  
Attachment(s): 1`

### Fifty Shades of Vega.txt

> **A/N** : lol hi this is my first rps lemon even tho i don really support shipping for shows like battlespace LOLOLOL so anyway enjoy!!!!! ps thanks 2 battlebutt494 for the beta! xXx_spectre_alenkass_xXx  
>  **Fandom** : _Diana Allers's Battlespace_  
>  **Rating** : M

James heard his omin-tool falsh. It was, a call from Commander John Shepard. Immediately he felt his dick hardening in his pants as he remembered how the commander had fucked him senseless last night and how much he loved the other man's cock in his ass.

He answer's the call. "I wnt you up in my cabin in five minuts," the commanders husky, manly, deep voice said huskily, "we're going to have a lot of fun!"

"on my way, commander" Vega said,

As he stepped into the commander's room he saw the older man lying naked with a hard cock on his four poster bed, smearing medi-gel on his dick. "cum here," he said. James came

Slowly john began to lick James's' cock and james moaned in pleasure cupping the other man's balls. "Thats right loo tennant." he said, sultrily, "Ive got, a treat for you tonight"

"What is it" James asks?

"i have a present.," john says, "hold still and close your eyes."

James felt SO SCARED he almost pooped himself but he held it together and heard the door slide open. He screamed when shepard tied him up to the four poster bed and made long languid strokes on his man-cunt and his fuck-stick.

"Are you ok," the Commander ashed?

"Im fine." James said, "fuck me hard, take me, now!"

"Open your eyes" came a sultry female voice. James oepend his eyes and saw Doctor Liara T So'ni and Diane Allers standing over him & saw Kaiden Alenko and Joker Jeffrey moreau behind them. Liara and Allers were rubbing their tit's in his faeces and joker and kaiden were kissing & stroking their own and each others dicks, looking at the lieutenant and smiling elastically with wonder.

"Youll love this," shepard said, his twelve inch dick hard and ready as he plowed into james's asshole.

"ah… Ah! ah commander." james says,

"Will you mary me james! I love you," the commander says, "i love you looteneatn"

"yes yes of course"

Everyone clapped and cheered and kissed each other in celebration. "I have a preset for you both." dianea said, pulling something long and glassy form her knickers and james ergognised it was _a wonderwand._

"this vibrator is special," liara says, "it has a mass effect field genertor in it and it makes the diamond on the end vibrate to make you cum as many times as you like."

"Umm yeah," shepard said, "would you like to try this james!?

"Yes." Vega said, solemnly. 'i want you to fuck me with it hard.'

He came four times during the gangbang and ended with four peoples cumloads streaming out of his ass cavern. Some of jeffreys & kaidan's come was on his face and he licked a little of his faces.

"Um I am going to enjoy licking this off me" the lootenant said as they all lit a cigarete. John licked the cum off the wonderwand at the same time as smoking a protracted drag.

"I think you're, going to be using this again" he says as he slaps the n7 tattoo on jamess' firm, squeezable glute.

"Of course".

They all kissed and had another round of sex.

{ **Image:** Bonus!Fanart.jpg: depicting six nominally identical people apparently having sex.}

> **A/N** : Is it good????? pls tell me!!! thx!!!! xXx _spectre_ alenkass_xXx

### Replies

`FROM: Liara T'Soni {lts@sr-2.internal}  
Subject: About the time capsule  
`

> When I asked for suggestions as to what cultural artifacts should go in the time capsules, this certainly _wasn't_ what I had in mind.

`FROM: Karin Chakwas {kch@hue.chealthserv}  
Subject: Advisory  
`

> I am writing to issue a general advisory to remind you all that using medi-gel as a personal lubricant is _not_ recommended and is highly dangerous.  
>  Medi-gel is a synthetic salve derived from extracts of witch-hazel and stem cells. Its primary purpose is to close up holes. **This is likely to be an undesirable side effect if medi-gel is used as a lubricant.**  
>  Regards,  
> Dr. K. Chakwas

`FROM: Jeff Moreau {jm-454@sr-2.internal}  
Subject: RE: Advisory  
`

> Jeeeeesus too much information there Karin. People are actually that stupid!?  
> More importantly, who sent this thing round? (And people actually _write_ this shit?)

`FROM: Steve Cortez {sc1514@sr-2.internal}  
Subject: MY EYES  
`

> I think I've been put off having sex ever again. Ever.

`FROM: James Vega {jv-9@sr-2.internal}  
Subject: wtf  
`

> definitely wasn't me.  
> and what the shit is this!? the worst part was where it said i have a tattoo of an n7 on my butt. dafuq?

`FROM: Jeffrey Moreau {jm-454@sr-2.internal}  
Subject: Re: wtf  
`

> I'm surprised you're surprised and offended given that it was _you_ that insisted on getting me drunk then showing me _Debbie Does Darkspace_ over a game of poker.

`FROM: Kaidan Alenko {kma-0953@sr-2.internal}  
Subject: Clarification  
`

> I would like to categorically and absolutely state that I have _no_ tattoos, less still one of an N7 insignia at Shepard's request.  
>  -ka  
> PS: and I've only just realised xXx_spectre_alenkass_xXx and his/her handle. S/he misspelled my name.  
> I don't want a freaky fan club. Can we all run away somewhere isolated once this war is over? Somewhere people won't write slash fiction about you?

`FROM: Commander Shepard {js@sr-2.internal}  
Subject: Seriously  
`

> Who sent this thing out? And who _found_ it?  
>  I know it was one of you, it came from an internal address. Own up now and I might not put you on trash compactor duty for the next fortnight.  
> SHEPARD

### One week later

`FROM: Commander Shepard {js@sr-2.internal}  
TO: E.D.I. {edi@sr-2.internal}  
Subject: I know it was you  
`

> So, that seven exabytes of "explicit images." Did you just include seven trillion copies of the same piece of fan art?  
> SHEPARD


End file.
